Filed under: general iain
the time is drawing near where we will either have to reveal this horrible blog to its subject of affection, or stow it away in the dungeons of our minds until we work up the courage in the future. my logical mind suggests that we take the second option, however, the part of me that enjoys watching skaters brain themselves by accident tells me that seeing iain’s face when he finds out about this would be such a good laugh.
to this effect, we have discussed a few different methods of unveillance, a favourite of mine being this one, submitted by ric browning;
“invite him to stay over then write the url on his forehead while he’s sleeping”.
i also considered laying out a sort of scavenger hunt for him, whereby each clue leads him closer to his “prize”, though that word is not entirely descriptive of what, for iain, the end result of such a hunt would be.
i think it may be soon though.
sam.
Filed under: general iain
if you don’t know what the game is then i shall tell you. the rules are that if you think about the game, you lose. when you lose, you have to tell everyone you are with or conversing with. if they do not know about the game, you must tell them the rules. the game only ends when the prime minister of the uk publicly announces that he has lost the game.
so that is the game. and iain is now playing it. he has also just made me lose the game, via msn. already he sows the seeds of destruction with his wandering mind.
sam.
Filed under: general iain
kubichek!
iain there, with his port glass of coke. i was on the whiskey.
Filed under: iain and music
iain and i went to see a band called kubichek! last night at the night & day cafe in manchester. we have seen this band many, many times now. so many times that iain has four of their t-shirts, all different designs, from four separate gigs. this shirt fascination is something of a character quirk with iain, as i think.. i think he only ever wears band t-shirts in fact.
but nevermind that, onto other topics of conversation. before we graced the venue, we had a pint in the fab cafe. well i had a pint, iain had to have a bottle of beck’s, for he had driven to town, and i was fairly adamant that he would not drink drive. becks was the subject of much reminiscent chuckles as well, for reasons private to our friendship circle. as we sat and drank though, we watched the very beginning of total recall, which was playing on one of fab’s many small tv appliances. iain observed that films first watched at a young age are often idealised to the point where all the plot holes miraculously fill themselves in.
our night culminated in an incident of such grave circumstance that i will not report it. it will remain between iain and i. ’til he lets me talk about it. sounds very dodgy doesn’t it?
sam.
Filed under: general iain
today i conversed with iain on the subject of those peculiar laws that exist in our country which allow a man to do what is normally not allowed. such laws as ‘a man may shoot a welshman with a bow and arrow inside the walls of chester after midnight’, which i’m sure most people have heard of, or heard the like of, before.
iain apparently had not though, and i had to put forward my viewpoint that the way would probably not stand up in court. he cared not though, in fact, i think he thinks it might a rather jolly good laugh to murder welshman in the early hours using archaic weaponry.
iain also thinks that carlos dengler now looks less suave than he used to in his new, post-neo-nazi attire. he believes that the addition of carlos’ ‘homotache’ was a mistake, and that nazi chic is cool because everyone looked cool in the ’30s. anyway i will now sign off for i have nothing more to say.
sam.
As the legendary Hercule Poirot paces the room before the elaborately dressed 30s rich folk, so I, dear reader, pace mentally before you, our glorious readership, and present you with irefutable evidence of Iain’s demise.
Iain is off to the so called cream fields on the morrow. And though me and my fellow editorial staff have a vague concept of what the deceitful organisers of this festival of horrors want the public to believe is it’s intention (Some sort of dance music thingy…) I have now conclusive proof of the true purposes and inconceivable depths to this most horrific of enterprises.
Upon mention of the name ‘Cream Fields’, Editor-in-Chief Sam was immediately visited by a vision of rolling pastures overflowing with dairy produce and cows. It was this prophetic imagining that opened my eyes to the truth. A land of rolling pastures overflowing with dairy and cows? Cream Fields? There is a place on this island that fits that terrifying description, a fell, dark place from whence no man ever returns, at least not in spirit.
Of where do I speak?
The West Country….
And so Iain goes for what must be one of the final stages of his initiation into Bristolancey. His mancunian soul will be torn apart, unless, as we must hope.. his will is strong.
Doesn’t get more conclusive than that right there.
Tom
Filed under: iain and music
tonight i have helped iain to set up a program which will sync his ipod listens with his last.fm profile. so we will all be able to see what he has been listening to while on his travels as well as his ‘at home choons’. the actual help i gave was fairly minimal, all i did was put him on to the existence of this thing and he did the rest himself.
anyway, welcome to the new writer by the way, tom. he’s posted before but not in such depth, i hope he will continue to.
tomorrow i’m going to an island in wales so i will not be able to speak to iain for a few days, and will also not be able to post. oh no. so i rely on tom to do some work.
sam.
Filed under: general iain
You see, posting about the appearance of the lead male role in a modern cult Japanese film and its bearing on the appearance of Iain is one thing, but forgetting that in fact the readership of this most masterful of blogs actually hasn’t the foggiest what said Iain actually looks like, is quite another. I would, dear reader, ask you to merely trust me that said lead male role in said modern cult Japanese film does bear a striking resemblance to the object and subject of this here blogtionary, but that would be relying upon a credibility with you, dear reader, that I know I do not have. So, as it is, I will reveal unto you the secrets of Iain’s face; that you might dwell upon them and know enlightenment. Or at least see that he really does look like the Japanese geezer.
Tom
PS. Behold the dib dabberyness..
Filed under: general iain
Film4, that so regal of television film channels played the two Battle Royale films today, only the first of which I have had the pleasure to see before. It struck me while watching the second (which really isn’t anywhere near as good as the first in any way shape or form) that the main male character, who goes by the name of fuck knows, looks verily like an oriental version of our very own Iain himself. As myself and Iain studied the Japanese language at High School, I find it highly unlikely that this is coincidence. It appears to me that Iain has been more likely forging some sort of hybrid clone army across the nations he is familiar with, in his own likeness.
Anyway, see what you reckon, dear reader:
Tom
Filed under: general iain
i do enjoy writing this, and without iain, i wouldn’t be able to. so i am happy to document that he has re-emerged on the radar. he hadn’t gone anywhere either by the way, i’d just missed him online due to his oft-shifting msn names and my switch to mac.
to update, iain has simply been existing really. he does have a few things in his near future to interest the bored though. for instance, he’s bought a ticket for creamfields, a music festival in warrington. unfortunately he has spent his last few pennies on this purchase, and thus will be a bit hard pressed until pay day.
speaking to him now, i’m very tempted to reveal the report. i think it might have gone on long enough now. maybe i will wait a while, he’s said he might record some music tomorrow, so if i can get hold of that i’ll leave some comments on it.sam.
