As the legendary Hercule Poirot paces the room before the elaborately dressed 30s rich folk, so I, dear reader, pace mentally before you, our glorious readership, and present you with irefutable evidence of Iain’s demise.
Iain is off to the so called cream fields on the morrow. And though me and my fellow editorial staff have a vague concept of what the deceitful organisers of this festival of horrors want the public to believe is it’s intention (Some sort of dance music thingy…) I have now conclusive proof of the true purposes and inconceivable depths to this most horrific of enterprises.
Upon mention of the name ‘Cream Fields’, Editor-in-Chief Sam was immediately visited by a vision of rolling pastures overflowing with dairy produce and cows. It was this prophetic imagining that opened my eyes to the truth. A land of rolling pastures overflowing with dairy and cows? Cream Fields? There is a place on this island that fits that terrifying description, a fell, dark place from whence no man ever returns, at least not in spirit.
Of where do I speak?
The West Country….
And so Iain goes for what must be one of the final stages of his initiation into Bristolancey. His mancunian soul will be torn apart, unless, as we must hope.. his will is strong.
Doesn’t get more conclusive than that right there.
Tom
“stop asking me the same fucking question over and over again”
We were talking about a hypothetical trip to my caravan. Which we require iain’s car and driving skill for. He also used CAPS to illustrate his anger, saying “I DON’T KNOW”.
Ric
i got a text from iain on the same night i asked him to come visit me at asda. it read; “Mate, you wanna ure your shisha pipe. Its the best thing ever.” he appears to have had a mighty good time.
i’ve only remembered to post this now because i’m talking to him and he has just informed me that wednesday’s brmc trip to liverpool is off because he is skint. which is fair enough. he was already skint before he went to debauch in bristol. he drove. what a trooper.
further participation in this conversation has yielded this utterance from iain; ‘i wish i was working, i neeeeeeeed money’. that is about the only time i’ve seen him elongate a word or use incorrect spelling on msn ever. evarrrr. so that’s noteworthy.
sam.
Iain told me he wants to “be in a rock band and a dance band”.
I replied..
03:01:36 me: rock is shit
03:01:46 iain: no it isn’t
03:01:50 me: ’tis
03:02:18 iain: no, there’s no way you can say it’s shit
03:02:33 me: it’s mega shit
03:03:21 iain: whatever
