i have just noticed that i have not noticed iain online in a couple of days, maybe three. this unsettles me slightly, as he is not usually out of touch. this means that he is either away somewhere, or has got so bored that he has folded down into a singularity.
he could of course be down in bristol, he has that house there after all. and if he is, he will no doubt be engaging in riotous shenanigans of boozery and debauchation.
i think i’ll take this lull in the iainformation stream to thank the man for talking to me after i bashed my car in the other week, he did good, as i was pretty wound up about it. of course, we know how iain loves driving, so i think he was probably just trying to convince me not to take my soul away from the car gods; motorcules and automemnon.
sam.
Filed under: asda with iain, driving with iain, general iain, memories of iain
tonight, we had a barbeque at tom’s house. iain came over but he declined our offer of food, citing the reason that he had already eaten. we talked about a few things, such as the party which iain attended years ago where amongst other misdeeds, he urinated on a barbeque. the house party was being hosted by a reported knobjock though, so i feel iain must be absolved of any guilt as he was working in the interest of karmic balance. this guy who owned the house is called keanie, and apparently was such a compulsive liar that he was known to sit on msn and say; “i’m gonna suicide, i’m taking the pills.. aaarrgggh, aaarrghh. i’m dying now. arrrrgh.” so, judge iain for yourself.
after the hilarity of that story cleared, iain and i took our leave and went down to asda, where i could get some money off “my” shopping. to be fair neither of us bought anything that would constitute actual food, so asda, if you’re reading this, please be lenient on me. my abuse of your store is nothing personal.
sam.
Filed under: driving with iain
t’other night, myself, tom, ric and will all got in iain’s car and went for a drive. we drove around for a long, long while. visiting rochdale, driving past will’s school in bolton (despite iain’s objections to that idea), will suggested we get eggs and throw them at his school. iain objected to this as well.
on the moors, iain kept mentioning ‘dogging’. at least two of us in the car did not really know what iain was talking about so eventually we deigned to ask him. he explained that it was an activity, or pastime, participated in by individuals who enjoy the experience of meeting strangers on dark country roads and having sex with them. or watching others do so.
we were quite shocked, and didn’t really believe him at first, until we saw with our own eyes, cars parked in laybys, clearly waiting for some anonymous intercourse.
also on this trip, iain ate another dip dab. sam.
there has been more than one occaision where i have taken a drive with iain. by ‘taken a drive’ i mean, got in a car with this man and travelled to some strange place like bacup, or todmorden, or hebden bridge. in fact, those are the only places we’ve been to, we always seem to end up there. bacup was the start of it.
some time last year, in 2006, iain came to pick me up for some reason, it may have been new years eve in fact, and we wondered where we could drive to that might be a fun place. i suggested we travel north, to lands where the trees and indigenous humans thicken, and where names become more feral, more primal.last night, iain and i drove again. first to asda to pick up some snax; i bought chocolate hobnobs and asda value fruit pastilles and midget gems, iain got himself a dip dab.
after our short stop at my local asda retail outlet, we proceeded along the motorway to rawtenstall. then to haslingden. then, somehow, to west yorkshire. we drove through todmorden and hebden bridge, before returning to lancashire, by way of tiny bacup.
conversation on this trip was quite varied. iain and i talked our way through how hilarious people of the west country are, the ethics of sperm donation (which we have covered before, but i felt needed a revisit), iain’s homoerotic experiences with his future housemates…we also talked about iain’s complete and total lack of any principles, moral codes, values, or deeply-held beliefs. we reached this conclusion by way of my assertion that i could break him down. however, i apparently could not, since he has nothing for me to break down. i could not identify one thing which i could challenge about iain. how interesting is that.
sam.
