the iain report

the time is drawing near where we will either have to reveal this horrible blog to its subject of affection, or stow it away in the dungeons of our minds until we work up the courage in the future. my logical mind suggests that we take the second option, however, the part of me that enjoys watching skaters brain themselves by accident tells me that seeing iain’s face when he finds out about this would be such a good laugh.

to this effect, we have discussed a few different methods of unveillance, a favourite of mine being this one, submitted by ric browning;

“invite him to stay over then write the url on his forehead while he’s sleeping”.

i also considered laying out a sort of scavenger hunt for him, whereby each clue leads him closer to his “prize”, though that word is not entirely descriptive of what, for iain, the end result of such a hunt would be.

i think it may be soon though.

sam.

if you don’t know what the game is then i shall tell you. the rules are that if you think about the game, you lose. when you lose, you have to tell everyone you are with or conversing with. if they do not know about the game, you must tell them the rules. the game only ends when the prime minister of the uk publicly announces that he has lost the game.

so that is the game. and iain is now playing it. he has also just made me lose the game, via msn. already he sows the seeds of destruction with his wandering mind.

sam.

kubichek!

iain there, with his port glass of coke. i was on the whiskey.

today i conversed with iain on the subject of those peculiar laws that exist in our country which allow a man to do what is normally not allowed. such laws as ‘a man may shoot a welshman with a bow and arrow inside the walls of chester after midnight’, which i’m sure most people have heard of, or heard the like of, before.

iain apparently had not though, and i had to put forward my viewpoint that the way would probably not stand up in court. he cared not though, in fact, i think he thinks it might a rather jolly good laugh to murder welshman in the early hours using archaic weaponry.

iain also thinks that carlos dengler now looks less suave than he used to in his new, post-neo-nazi attire. he believes that the addition of carlos’ ‘homotache’ was a mistake, and that nazi chic is cool because everyone looked cool in the ’30s. anyway i will now sign off for i have nothing more to say.

sam.

You see, posting about the appearance of the lead male role in a modern cult Japanese film and its bearing on the appearance of Iain is one thing, but forgetting that in fact the readership of this most masterful of blogs actually hasn’t the foggiest what said Iain actually looks like, is quite another. I would, dear reader, ask you to merely trust me that said lead male role in said modern cult Japanese film does bear a striking resemblance to the object and subject of this here blogtionary, but that would be relying upon a credibility with you, dear reader, that I know I do not have. So, as it is, I will reveal unto you the secrets of Iain’s face; that you might dwell upon them and know enlightenment. Or at least see that he really does look like the Japanese geezer.

Tom

PS. Behold the dib dabberyness..

Film4, that so regal of television film channels played the two Battle Royale films today, only the first of which I have had the pleasure to see before. It struck me while watching the second (which really isn’t anywhere near as good as the first in any way shape or form) that the main male character, who goes by the name of fuck knows, looks verily like an oriental version of our very own Iain himself. As myself and Iain studied the Japanese language at High School, I find it highly unlikely that this is coincidence. It appears to me that Iain has been more likely forging some sort of hybrid clone army across the nations he is familiar with, in his own likeness.

Anyway, see what you reckon, dear reader:

Tom

i do enjoy writing this, and without iain, i wouldn’t be able to. so i am happy to document that he has re-emerged on the radar. he hadn’t gone anywhere either by the way, i’d just missed him online due to his oft-shifting msn names and my switch to mac.

to update, iain has simply been existing really. he does have a few things in his near future to interest the bored though. for instance, he’s bought a ticket for creamfields, a music festival in warrington. unfortunately he has spent his last few pennies on this purchase, and thus will be a bit hard pressed until pay day.

speaking to him now, i’m very tempted to reveal the report. i think it might have gone on long enough now. maybe i will wait a while, he’s said he might record some music tomorrow, so if i can get hold of that i’ll leave some comments on it.sam. 

in contrast to the last post about tony wilson, which was needless to say a sombre point, this entry will concern a certain group of individuals who, in the hey-day of their youth, formed team idiot.

at this point, i would insert a picture of the logo, but since i seem to have lost the digital copy, i will just launch into the description. team idiot was a foot-skating squad(? co-operative? unit?) whose members were primarily just myself, iain and tom. now, foot-skating was basically this name that we may or may not have coined which was essentially very poorly executed parkour, a popular urban acrobatics form.

we, amateurs that we were, basically did things like jump off ledges, climb up walls and balance on things. other than that, team idiot did nothing much, apart from one occaision i remember, when iain and tom discussed bailing out of a trick, only to bail out of that bail, then bailing out of that bail and so on. this led to the invention of bail-samsara, an infinite cycle of bailing, which could only be escaped by reaching bail-nirvana. it was a silly idea, though a momentarily entertaining one.

an honorary mention in this entry goes to tom, who in service to the team, bailed out of a trick and broke his big toe. it did smart a bit.

team idiot disbanded some months after its initial formation, with all the members remaining friends. side-projects have included the cis wall climb, which iain still has yet to achieve, and the more recent rooftop lancaster endeavour, which i may or may not want to discuss in detail. though i probably will.

sam.

iain’s asleep on the couch here, and i’m writing this post to report that. i am actually in the room with the guy i’m spying on, spying on him. how racy. the last post contained a picture of myself, iain and co-conspirator tom, to prove my veracity. hopefully when iain reads this, he will see the funny, non-lecherous and perverse stalkerish side.

but what else can i say about iain at the moment, tonight we discussed music, mostly remixes of songs by MSTRKRFT, who iain is fond of, and i must say, they’re not crap. iain played us some remixes of bloc party songs, and also one interpol song, which i enjoyed. he and i pondered the issue of when interpol are next playing in the uk, and how whether or not we should splash out and see them in london. i would like to, as i do love interpol and their performances.

sam.